Nerd Writer vs. ChatGPT-4
A writer and ChatGPT face off in an attempt to write the most nostalgia-inducing Tweet. Who does it better?
June Fernan:
It’s 1990. Your mom bought you a hot dog from K-Mart, and you’re on your way to the arcade mall. You already know all your quarters are getting spent on Turtles in Time.
It’s 1992 and you’re in a hotel pool. Your beeper is on the plastic chair, lighting up with messages. You know your boss is calling the hotel every fifteen minutes, trying to get a hold of you. You’re just gonna swim until it’s almost midnight.
It’s 1993 and you’re playing Super Mario World. You keep getting stuck on Donut Plains 1, until you call your buddy on your cordless phone and he tells you how to fly across the level, then you pull it off while on the phone with him and he didn’t even know there was a secret key platform if you keep flying to the end.
It’s 2000 and your parents took you to Blockbuster. You can rent any Nintendo 64 game you want, and you go with WWF No Mercy. You’ve got a Domino’s pizza and a two-liter of Mountain Dew on the way. Your buddy Steve says he’s gonna play it with you all night. You’ve got nothing but time.
It’s 2001 and your buddy just bought The Glow, Pt. 2 on CD at the Soundshop store in the mall. You listen to it on your three-disk CD player. You can’t wait to save up enough money to buy your first guitar.
ChatGPT-4
Wake up, it’s 2005. You’re in a AOL chat room debating about Batman Vs Superman, while Windows Media Player shuffles between Linkin Park and Green Day. MSN Messenger just pinged—it’s your crush. Butterfly in the stomach moment? Oh yeah, the dial-up keeps disconnecting. Simplicity at its finest?
Dust off your Gameboy, it’s 1998. The gentle light seeping from the window is just enough to see the pixels on your screen as you try to catch them all on Pokémon Red or Blue. Fingers crossed the AA batteries hold up till you beat that Elite Four. 90s kids can hear this image.
Roll it back, it’s 2004. You’re snapped into a Slim Jim, ready to shatter your top score in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4, and your hidden Hot Topic mix is blasting My Chemical Romance. Your flip phone rings, it’s your buddy asking if you’ve unlocked Shrek yet. Life was a gold cheat code!
Year is 2007 and your ringtone is Soulja Boy’s Crank That. You just got home from school, homework thrown aside. You join your friend’s Xbox Live party to destroy in some Halo 3. Doritos and Mountain Dew in the vicinity, your mom yelling dinners ready. Welcome home, Spartan.
Flashback to 1999. You just got the latest Now That’s What I Call Music CD from Sam Goody. Your bulky portable CD player always skips a bit. You hear Britney’s Baby One More Time for the first time and dream of pop stardom. Ready to dance into the new millennium.